Students are not immune to the same psychological difficulties that affect some people outside of our safety-bubble of school. College is filled with difficulties, and when left untreated these issues can become debilitating for students. So whether you feel you are experiencing depression or find yourself concerned for a friend or peer, it is important to take action now. Here’s how…
If you are the one who is depressed…
Here are ways to respond if you are depressed, based off my personal experiences with anxiety and depression and working with people who are facing similar circumstances:
1. Identify triggers and respond accordingly
This is one of the hardest steps, because you have to identify and make a list of what triggers your symptoms. For me, it was competing in sports and losing, spending too much time in large groups, and spending too much time alone. Everyone will have unique triggers, but it’s best to identify your challenges in order to help you later.
2. Do the basics: eat, sleep and exercise
When you’re depressed, the little tasks like laundry, dishes, taking showers, and cleaning your room seem like the most challenging of all things. You lose all or most of your motivation to do anything. So, it’s important to make sure you’re doing the basics: eating, sleeping and getting to the gym. Your room can wait; the dishes aren’t going anywhere (just make sure you do them sooner rather than later!).
3. Form safe and healthy habits
When you’re under any mental illness, sometimes you feel like you need to take it out on something. Research states that alcohol is one of the biggest unhealthy habits that people who are depressed turn to in order to “not feel” depressed for a short time. First off, this isn’t the smartest choice, and it could lead into more destructive behaviors later. If you can accomplish #2, it’ll lead into forming habits that will help make you better, which leads me into #4.
4. Work for a positive self-image
This was honestly the hardest one for me to work towards. My brain would just not want to accept that I’m a good person (and other things). And, it took me so long to figure that out, stop those thoughts, and change them, in order to change how I was acting. Writing two or three good things about myself each day and reading them at the end of the week was a easy morale booster for me. It is also extremely helpful to surround yourself with supportive people. Again, you do you! Do whatever works for you!
5. Decide who you want to be “out” to
When battling mental illness. At times it seems like an all-out-war. Shots are fired in multiple directions in your brain and at times you don’t know what to do. What is, I think, the most important thing when you’re battling mental illnesses of any kind is to tell someone, preferably someone you trust. Start with one person, and move on from there. When I started telling people, it got easier each time. There’s a stigma with mental health, and one of the best quotes to describe this was from a TedTalk by 19-year-old Kevin Breel (and you should watch it!):
“So you hold it in and you hide it, and you hold it in and you hide it, and even though it’s keeping you in bed every day and it’s making your life feel empty no matter how much you try and fill it, you hide it, because the stigma in our society around depression is very real. It’s very real, and if you think that it isn’t, ask yourself this: would you rather make your next Facebook status say you’re having a tough time getting out of bed because you hurt your back or you’re having a tough time getting out of bed every morning because you’re depressed? That’s the stigma, because unfortunately, we live in a world where if you break your arm, everyone runs over to sign your cast, but if you tell people you’re depressed, everyone runs the other way. That’s the stigma. We are so, so, so accepting of any body part breaking down other than our brains. And that’s ignorance. That’s pure ignorance, and that ignorance has created a world that doesn’t understand depression, that doesn’t understand mental health. And that’s ironic to me, because depression is one of the best-documented problems we have in the world, yet it’s one of the least discussed. We just push it aside and put it in a corner and pretend it’s not there and hope it’ll fix itself.”
6. Utilize resources (campus services)
Fortunately there are so many resources on campus to help you in your fight against mental illness! WSU has Counseling Services, Health and Wellness Services, and clubs like Active Minds! You’re not alone, and these organizations are put into place to help YOU!
7. Celebrate the “small” victories
There are more small victories than big ones. Celebrate every victory no matter how big or small! The best quote for this is from one of my favorite TV shows, Parks and Rec, “Treat yo self!”
8. Advocate for yourself
Figure out what you need, and demand it. You know yourself better than anyone else. For me, my challenge was finding the words to describe what I needed. I would often need time to write down what I was feeling and how I could ask people to help me. If that works for you, do it! Otherwise find out what does and do it.
If you have a friend who is depressed…
Please note that in any situation, it may be difficult for you to approach a friend regarding mental illnesses. People do not like to be told when they are sick, what they are feeling or what to do. It is vital that you, as a friend, are conscious of what’s happening, but know that the choice to get professional help is ultimately your friend’s choice. You must be supportive and patient, but adding too much pressure to a friend with any of these mental illnesses could make it worse.
1. Validate their experiences
Be empathetic and understanding. You will not be able to fully comprehend what they’re going through. The best you can do for them is repeat back what they say so you are confirming what they’re going through. This will also help them feel like they’re not going crazy (coming from my own personal experience).
2. Be developmental with your feedback
Constructive feedback is always the best kind of feedback people can often receive. However, working with people who are depressed, things can be warped and seen in a negative light. Make sure you’re giving them as much positive feedback, yet still trying to give them things to work on, too.
3. Be patient
Depression is not cured overnight, and research shows that it is far more successful when medication, therapy, and counseling are used together. When interacting with people who might be suffering from depression, take into account that they might not know how to explain their situation and it might take a while for them to break out of their shell and trust you more. Trust is not earned overnight. Keep talking to them and eventually they should open up more!
4. Don’t push too hard, but no “kid gloves” either
This plays into #7 later, but make sure you’re trying to make them challenge themselves to get better! They have to set the challenge for themselves. Keep them accountable and maybe even try to partake in the “challenge.” Maybe this is writing three good things about your day and sharing them with each other.
5. Avoid blaming language
People who are depressed already think what they’re going through is already their fault. Try not to blame them for things that they are doing “wrong.” This is where #2 comes into play.
6. Help celebrate the victories
I think this is one of the most crucial aspects of helping people through depression and any mental illness. A simple, “you’re doing great” or “awesome job” means a lot!
7. Ask what they need, but don’t pry
The fact that a friend might have told you that they are depressed should indicate that they place great trust in you. Never try to force them to talk about their illness. Instead, ask questions and find out what they need. If they don’t know, do not try to force them into an answer. It’ll destroy the trust they have for you. Look at #3 if you have questions about this!
8. Take care of YOU!
This is the most important part. You can only do so much for people, and as a person who loves helping others I sometimes neglect myself. Mental health is an illness – and illnesses can be spread. And, if you don’t take care of yourself, you might fall into the similar situation as your friend.
Mental health is a serious aspect of living a full and fulfilling life. We need to break the stigma surrounding mental health and start treating this aspect of wellness just like we do with a broken arm. That’s my challenge to you guys reading this post, if you know someone who’s going through a hard time, send them a message telling them that you care for them. That was the biggest thing that people did for me.
