How to be Fluent in Love Languages

Who doesn’t want to become fluent in love languages? I’m not an expert on love, but I have discovered that everyone has different “love languages,” categorized into five specific areas on how each of us prefer to give and receive love from the people we care about. I learned about love languages by referencing the website for The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

After doing a bit of my own personal research about these five different love languages, what they mean, and how they work, I found that my top love language is “words of affirmation” which means I like to hear praise, words of encouragement, etc. My second love language is “acts of service” which is completely different from “receiving gifts.”

The five love languages, as explained by Gary Chapman, are:

 Words of Affirmation:

This can be as simple as a “Good morning I’m so proud of you and hope you have a great day” text from a significant other, or praise from a friend for just being you. These are words from people we love that just make us feel good. Words of affirmation are so easy and small to do. I find that in my relationships, this is most important to me because kind words and appreciation from people I love mean a lot to me.

Try it out! Tell your significant other or best friend that you appreciate them and care about them! Other ideas could include: complementing them, sending them a random text to say you’re thinking about them, congratulating them on little accomplishments.

Quality Time:

We as humans love for things to be “all about us,” and having the undivided attention of someone we care about means a lot. If this is your love language, you want meaningful time with your partner or friend, no cell phones allowed.  This could even mean just sitting at home, doing nothing together. Quality time doesn’t have to mean you are out and about, it means the most when the two of you are simply able to be together and feel cared about and appreciated by the other.

Try it out! Put the cell phones away, and spend time with your S.O. or best friend. Other ideas could include: Plan a date night for the two of you, have a movie night, set aside some time to get coffee before or after class, call each other on the phone and talk.

Receiving Gifts:

For person who has this love language, the act of receiving a gift from a loved one, no matter how big or small,  is important because it shows they went out of their way to show love. Personally, this was the last on my list, and not because I don’t love and appreciate the occasional gifts here and there, but it just isn’t a top priority on my love language list.

Try it out! For these people, receiving flowers when they weren’t expecting them, or even a coffee when their significant other knew they had a bad day is speaking their love language. Don’t feel selfish if this was your top love language! You don’t have to break the bank for these kind of people- small tokens to show your appreciation will do. Other ideas include: Bring them lunch, buy them the thing they have been talking about buying themselves forever, pick up their tab for dinner. Homemade gifts are never out of order, either!

Acts of Service:

I was a bit shocked to see that this was my runner up as my love language, because I confused it with “receiving gifts” which is totally false! This love language means that you feel appreciated and cared about when your significant other or friend goes out of their way to help you out, or when they suck it up and do something you want to do because they love you. My best friend doesn’t love the gym, but she goes with me when I want a buddy, because she knows I like going. That shows me she cares about my happiness, and makes me feel loved.

Try it out! When speaking this love language, you should be open and understanding of your partner’s wants and needs. For me, actions speak louder than words, and acts of service by a partner shows that. Other ideas could include: fill their gas tank for them, cook a meal for them, help them with studying or homework.

Physical Touch:

PDA, hugging, cuddling, hand holding, all that stuff is speaking this love language! I’m not a big hand holder or fan of PDA myself, but a hug means a lot to me when I haven’t seen someone I care about in a while, such as my sister who lives in La Crosse. If physical touch is your primary love language then your favorite way to show affection is obviously through touch!

Try it out! Finding time to embrace your loved as well as just be physically present with them one is very important to this love language. Other ideas could include: give them a hug when you see them, put your arm around them, hold hands when you take a walk.

Now that you know a little more about these five important love languages, take the quiz and see for yourself which love language you and your significant other or friends speak. This way, you can accommodate better to their needs, and show them the love that will mean the most to them!