The messages around safe and consensual sex are consistent regardless of how you identify or your sexuality. The concept is quite simple: yes means yes and no means no. Asking for consent can feel awkward at first, but it helps to make sure that you are on the same page as your partner. You must ask for consent each and every time–even when you are changing sexual acts.
Safe Sex is Consensual Sex
Before initiating anything with your partner, you must ask for consent each and every time you hook-up. Asking for consent can feel awkward at times, but it’s important to make sure both parties are okay with moving forward. Remember to watch the body language and tone of how your partner responds. Anything less than an enthusiastic yes – is a no.
Here are some phrases that you can use to ask for consent:
- “Can I [fill in the blank] to you?”
- “Would you like it if I did [fill in the blank] to you?”
- “Would you like to [fill in the blank] to me?”
Again, the answer to these questions should be yes. If your partner responds with “maybe” or a shrug “sure” then the answer is no–no you do not have consent. If your partner seems unsure, check in with them before continuing by using these phrases:
- “I want to make sure you want to do this. Should I keep going?”
- “It’s okay if you’re not into this. We can do something else. What do you think?”
Remember, yes means consent and no means no. Never pressure anyone into sex or any sexual acts if they do not feel comfortable with it.
Sexual Violence Resources
If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual violence, we have resources available on and off campus to help support you.
Jessica Schulz is Winona State’s Confidential Advocate, directly supporting students who have been victims of sexual violence, dating or domestic violence, stalking, harassment, racism, or discrimination. Shulz is an outspoken supporter of the LGBTQIA+ rights and the queer and trans communities.
Contact her here with any question:
- Call 507.457.2956
- Text 507.470.0403
- Email email@example.com
Health & Wellness Services
Health & Wellness Services has a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) that will be able to help you in the event of sexual violence. To schedule an appointment call 507.457.5160.
Counseling Services has counselors with crisis support hours available to help talk through any trauma that you may be facing. You are not alone and you do not have to go through this alone. Call 507.457.5330 to make an appointment.
Sexual violence can happen to anyone and by anyone. For people in LGBTQ communities, sexual violence may also be combined with acts of verbal and physical homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia…